Salam. Hari ni saya nak bercerita tentang apa yang sedang berlaku dalam rumah tangga saya. Moga luahan ni dapat meredakan apa yang saya pendam selama ni. Perkahwinan saya kali ni adalah perkahwinan yang kedua.
Alhamdulillah dah masuk tahun ke 7 perkahwinan kami. Dan tahun ni merupakan tahun saya menghadapi dugaan terbesar dalam hidup saya. Betul la orang cakap, lelaki akan diduga bila ada nama,pangkat dan harta.
Sejak 4 bulan kebelakangan ini, saya dapat tahu suami berlaku curang pada saya. Sepanjang 4 bulan ni juga la saya memujuk secara baik untuk dia sedar apa dia buat.
Dan kemuncak sabar dan hancurnya hati saya bila suami bawa balik orang ke3 ke rumah kami semasa ketiadaan saya dan anak2. Saya percaya pada Allah. Saya percaya bila Allah nak tunjuk sesuatu, Dia akan tunjukkan walau dengan apa cara sekalipun.
Percayalah, bila saya jumpa perempuan dalam rumah, hati saya sangat hancur. Saya jadi hilang pertimbangan sehingga saya membelas4h perempuan tersebut. Saya nekad untuk bercerai. Tak ada lagi air mata selepas kejadian tersebut.
Selama saya menjadi isteri, saya dah all out untuk suami dan anak-anak. Masa awal perkahwinan saya tak nafikan saya seorang yang jahil. Solat sentiasa tinggal, Al-Quran jarang buka. Tapi Alhamdulillah, kejahil4n saya tu, perlahan-lahan saya betulkan.
Saya rasa bersyukur antara hikmah perkahwinan ni saya dapat bentuk diri sendiri ke arah yang lebih baik. Saya sangka, suami akan lebih menghargai saya bila saya berubah kearah yang lebih baik. Tapi saya silap.
Selepas kejadian, seminggu saya memikirkan cara untuk memulakan langkah penceraian. Cara macamana saya nak terangkan pada anak-anak kenapa saya membuat pilihan tersebut . Untuk makluman, saya membawa seorang anak dan suami membawa dua anak hasil dari perkahwinan yang lepas.
Alhamdulillah kami dikurniakan 1 anak pada perkahwinan ini. Selama seminggu juga saya tidur asing dengan suami. Pada malam ke 8 selepas solat isyak tiba2 anak datang memeluk saya.
Pelukan yang lain dari kebiasaan. Anak-anak meminta saya untuk tidak bercerai dengan suami. Mereka tak mampu nak hadapi penceraian ibu bapa lagi. Tangisan dari anak-anak buat saya tersentap.
Selama ni, dalam doa saya pada Allah, saya mohon agar Allah hadirkan orang yang boleh sayang dan hargai saya. Rupanya doa tu dah lama termakbul. Sayang dan hargai tu bukan datang dari pasangan saya.
Tapi dari anak-anak saya. Saya sebak. Saya menyesal. Terlalu mencari cinta dari orang yang tak sudi tapi hakikatnya, ada yang sentiasa menyayangi dan menghargai saya setiap masa.
Orang cakap, kalau dah keadaan macam ni buat apa nak tunggu, buat apa nak bagi peluang. Saya boleh buat semua tu kalau saya penting kan diri sendiri. Tapi bila saya pandang anak-anak, saya tak mampu nak teruskan.
Tak mampu untuk biarkan mereka menghadapi situasi penceraian. Demi anak-anak saya mem4tikan niat saya. Demi anak-anak saya korbankan hati perasaan saya untuk bercerai.
Sejujurnya, saya dah tawar hati pada suami. Bila saya pandang suami, saya rasa hati saya seperti debu yang di tiup angin. Tapi bila saya pandang anak-anak, saya rasa jiwa saya jadi hangat. Saya rasa ada pelangi dalam hidup saya.
Saya masih menjalankan tanggungjawab saya sebagai isteri pada suami. Makan pakai, amanah untuk menjaga harta dan anak semua saya buat tanpa banyak soal.
Saya berharap apa yang saya korbankan sekarang,1 masa nanti akan ada kemanisan untuk saya. Mohon pembaca mendoakan agar suami dapat mengharungi dugaan dia ketika ada nama, pangkat dan harta.
Dan doakan la juga agar saya terus kuat untuk meneruskan perjalanan hidup, menjalankan tanggujawab dan amanah dengan ikhlas.
Saya percaya Allah tu ada. Dan saya percaya Allah tak beri apa yang kita minta. Tapi Allah beri apa yang kita perlukan.
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