Assalamulaikum…mohon sangat2 hide profle saya.. Harap sangat2 jangan kecam saya. Saya cume minta pndapat dan pndangan. Cerite ni saya pendam dah hampir 13 tahun. Tiada siapa yang tahu termasuk suami sendiri.
saya bukan nak bukak aib sndiri. Tapi saya kene luahkan. mungkin dengan meluah dan menulis tanpa orang kenal siapa saya. boleh meringan sikit rasa sakit dan bersalah di hati saya huhuhu.
Biarlah saya perkenalkan diri saya dulu…
Saya seorang isteri yang bekerjaya. umur 35 tahun dan seorang ibu pada 2 orang anak pompuan yang comel2 dan sangat cerdik. berkahwinn 10 tahun dulu dengan seorang lelaki pilihan famly.
yang bagi saya sangat2 tidak sepadan dan sekufu dengan saya.. Nape saya kate tidak sepadan? Sebab dia seorang lelaki yang sangat baik, penyabar, bertanggung jawab dan penyayang pada isteri dan anak2.
kami sangat2 bahagia, dan boleh di katakan dalam kalangan adik bradik saya. saya lah pasangan yang paling romantik dan bahgia. Bukan nak memuji Alhamdulilah saya di kurniakan Allah rupa paras yang cantik ,menawan dan sifat semulajadi manja dan comel.
tapii malangnya sayalah manusia yang tak pandai menghargai kecantikan yang Allah kurniakan. Kisahnya.. di alam remaja saya, bermula saya tamat study di sebuah Universiti.
saya tersilap langkah. saya meggunakan kecantikan rupa paras ni untuk menggoda mane2 lelaki kaya yang saya nak waktu tu dunia ni syurga buat saya. hidup saya sangat2 mewah. di kelilinggi lelaki2 kaya yang silih berganti.. makan pakai saya semua mewah. ckp ape saya. semua saya dapat.
tapii saya kehilangan sesuatu yang sangat2 berharga, iaitu maruah diri saya. Ya Allah, bila saya kenang balik. saya rasa malu dan berdosa sangat2. betapa bod0hnya saya dulu. hanyut dalam kenikmatan dunia.
hanyut dlaam dosa besar. bukan seorang. bukan 2 orang. tapi seingat saya 5 orang. smua lelaki2 kaya termasuk suami2 orang yang pertaruhkan wang yang ribu2 untuk mendapatkan per4wan saya untuk dapatkan layanan saya
Ya Allah berdosa sgguh rasa tapi saat tu langsung saya tak rasa berdosa rasa bahgia dan indah sangat2. Sampai la 1 saat. orang tua kat kampung suruh cepat2 kawen sebab dah ada 2 hingga 3 orang datang bertanya nak meminang..
orang tua saya termasuk adik beradik memang tak tahu siapa saya sbnarnya. Dari luaran memang orang tak percaya. dengan lemah lembut saya. dengan bertudung litup.
dengan cantik saya. beradab saya, yang saya pernah terlanjur sejauh ituuu. memang mat! hidup balik pun orang te gok saya ni macam perempuan melayu terakhir. huhuhu semua tertipu dengan luaran saya.Ok berbalik pada ibu ayah saya suruh kawin tu.
jadi saya pun tiada pilihan. saya terpaksa akur. sebab lelaki2 yang pernah meniduri saya tu. bukan diorang tak nak jadikan saya isteri yang sah. Dia orang nak. tapi saya yang tak nak sebab saya selalu berdoa selepas solat.
walaupun saya ni jahat. tiap kali solat saya selalu doa ni. ” Ya Allah….aku ni pompuan yang kotor. yang j!j!k. yang dah tak suci. Tapi aku mohon padaMu Ya Allah….temukan lah aku dengan lelaki yang baik. yang beriman. yang dapat membimbing aku ke jalan yang lurus.
aku betui2 nak nak jdi isteri yang baik nanti.Itulah doa yang selalu saya baca tiap kali solat dan Alhamdulilah Allah makbulkan.. dan saya rasa malu sangat2 dengan Allah walaupun saya dah bertaubat nasuha..
Bukan saja Allah bagi saya seorang suami yang baik dan beriman. tapi anak2 yang sangat2 baik. Cerdik dan minat pada agama. tak seperti ibunyea dulu huhuhhu..
Tapi yang menjadi saya di hambat rasa bersalah sampai saat ni ialah. suami saya sampai sekarang dia tak tau pun. siapa saya yang sebenanya. bagi dia saya adalah seorang isteri yang baik dan taat pada dia sebagai somi.
Dan seorang ibu yang sangat2 penyayang dan prihatin pada anak2. Yang menjdi masalahnya sekaramg smpai saat ni. saya rasa berdosa dan bersalah pada somi sebab dapat isteri yang dah tak suci macam saya huuhuh.
Masalahnya pernah suatu hari suami cite pasal d4ra dan dia cakap kalau boleh abang memang tak nak kawen dengn pompuan yang dah tak ade d4ra. walauuu cantik macam mana pun. sebab abang jaga teruna abang jadi mestilah abang nak yang ada dara tapi kalau dah jodoh terima jelah janji dia btaubat.
Saya terkejutt sangat2 dia cakap camtu. Rasa nak berterus terang je tapi memang tak mungkin. sebab saya sayangkan dia. Sayang sayangkan keluaga saya. saya tak nak kehilangan dia dan anak2 yang sangat2 rapat dengan saya…
Tapi dalam masa yang sama. Saya rase besalah dan berdosa sangatt2. betapa bod0h dan murahanye saya dulu. rase nak je di putarkan masa ni kembali huhuh.
Jadi saya nak tnya. Ape yang perlu saya buat.
sebab seorang isteri yang pernah ada kisah macam ni. perlu ke saya ceritakan pada suami. kalau tak cerita. saya rasa bersalahhh sangat2. andaii cite saya mungkin kehilangan dia tidak pun. hati dia kecewa dan tawar hati dengan saya dan mungkin dia rase menyesal.
Tiap kali pandang wajah anak2 pompuan saya saya selalu sayu. Rase bersalah. tapii dalam hatii saya selalu nekad untuk jaga elok2 maruah diri anak2 dara saya. jangan dia jadi seperti saya ibunyer huhuhu. Sebenarnyer ape yang patut saya buat. saya betuii2 dah insaf. perlu ke berterus terang dengan suami?
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