Aku masih terkenangkan apa yang berlaku 3 tahun lepas aku terlanjur sedangkan masa tu aku sudah sah bergelar isteri orang

Hi min, mohon hide profil aku yer? Hanya di krt aku dapat luahkan apa yang aku simpan selama ni. Aku masih terkenangkan apa yang berlaku 3 tahun lepas aku terlanjur sedangkan masa tu aku sudah sah bergelar isteri orang. Aku ingat lagi masa tu kami baru berkawin 9 bulan, benda tu terjadi selepas aku keguguran dan masih dlm pantang. Macam mana benda tu boleh terjadi? Macam ni ceritanya, selepas aku keguguran, husband aku buat perangai. Dia tak jaga aku, dia tak balik rumah berhari2.

Kebetulan masa hari dia tak balik rumah tu dia gaji, aku tak tentu arah min dalam keadaan aku macam tu. Malam tu aku meroyan, menangis teriak2, nyaris aku nak tettak mak aku malam tu sebab mak aku berleter. Aku sedih min. Malam keesokannya masuk 9 hari dia tak balik, aku pii cari dia. Guess what? Sedang aku berpantang meratap kehilangan anak dekat rumah, dia boleh ikut kengkawan dia pii enjoy dengan perempuan 2 berpeluk2 sakan. Hancur luluh hati aku min.

Lepas pada tu aku hilangkan diri dari dia walaupun mase tu aku baru hari ke 11 berpantang, aku lari rumah. Aku pii keja and sewa bilik. Dan dari situ laa aku kenal dengan lelaki yang terlanjur dengan aku. Semua berlaku dengan pantas, aku kenal lelaki tu 3hari jer dah sampai terlanjur, aku tak tau apa yang bermain dalam kepala otak aku masa tu. Aku tak tau! Aku rasa aku jijik. Keesokannya lepas dari hari aku terlanjur dengan lelaki tu, suami aku datanf tempat keje aku cari aku. Aku tak tau mcama mane dia boleh tau mybe kawan sekeje aku yang bagi tau.

Dia minta peluang kedua, aku tak tentu arah mse tu. Dengan keadaan aku yang serabut asyik terpikir kejadian aku dengan lelaki tu malam tadi. Aku banyak termenung. Aku tau kalau suami aku tau aku dah terlanjur dengan orang lain, tentu dia jijik. Aku rahsiakan perkara tu sebab aku tak nak kehilangan laki aku, aku ikut laki aku balik sebab aku rasa perkahwinan kami boleh diselamatkan. Aku sayang laki aku sebenarnya min, tapi aku tak tau pulak macam mana perasaan laki aku. Lepas pada kejadian tu, suami aku berubah, tapi tak lama. Dia buat perangai balik. Makin menjadi2 sampailah sekarang anak dah sorang.

Dan sekarang aku dah jadi pesakit mental. Asyik jumpa psikiatri. Aku tak tau dugaan apa yang Allah bagi kat aku ni, aku berkahwin sebab aku nak bahagia, aku nak lari dari mak angkat aku yang mendera mntal aku. Since kecik aku tak pernah merasa kasih syang seorang ibu mcm orang lain. Tapi kenapa kebahagiaan tu aku tak pernah dapat? Sama ada dari family mahu pun suami, masing2 mengherdik menghina aku. Tak layak ke aku untuk bahagia? Sekarang aku pikir better aku tinggal kat ward jer tenang hidup tapi aku kesian kan anak aku. Aku buntu min, masa silam dan masa sekarang menghantui aku buat penyakit aku jadi makin teruk.

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